How to recognize high conflict people and prevent them from ruining your work life

How to recognize high conflict people and prevent them from ruining your work lifeIs there a high conflict person in your umlaufbahn who seems to be intent on making your work life more difficult? Yes, these ultra-high maintenance and difficult people have become so prevalent in all areas of lifefrom personal to professional and everything in betweenthat theyve been given their own nickname HCPs. If one or several of these folks have found their way into your world, then you know how lousy it can be. But this doesnt mean that you need to give up or surrender your happiness to a high conflict person. There are things you can do to help prevent HCPs from ruining your life. googletag.cmd.push(function() googletag.display(div-gpt-ad-1467144145037-0) ) Psychology Today recently discussed the growing HCP phenomena in a recent article byBill Eddy, LCSW, JD HCPs can look and act great when you get to know them, but sooner or later their hostility, mood swings and blaming behavior can be tar geted on youyou become their Target of Blame. They may or may not havepersonalitydisorders. But they lack insight and rarely change. Unfortunately, the skills that help us absprache with ordinary people rely on reason andself-control, two areas where HCPs have a great deal of difficulty. We need to use different skills for managing our relationships with them, or avoiding them.Many of us figure out various methods for individually handling HCPs we encounter in our liveswe take stock of the person, their personality, their strengths and weaknesses, and just naturally get a feel for how to best deal with (or avoid) that person. Its just a natural part of lifeas we go through various career experiences well invariably have opportunities to interact with a wide array of people, some of whom well get along with and others we might not, and its in our best interest to figure out how to make the best out of every interaction.True, HCPs can pose special challengesthey can be extremely diffi cult personalities to figure out how to deal with, especially when we encounter them in high-stakes environments such as the workplace, but if you encounter an HCP and may have to interact with one on a regular basis there is a way forward.Eddy has outlined a proven method for dealing with HCPs, which they have termed the CARS method. This method consists of the following four skill areas Connecting withempathy, attention, and respectAnalyzingyour optionsRespondingto hostility or misinformation andSetting limitson high-conflict behavior. Such a method is often the opposite of what you feel like doing, but we have found that it works over and over again in calming HCPs, focusing them on their future choices (rather than arguing about the past), matter-of-factly correcting their frequent misinformation and setting limits because HCPs dont stop themselves.You may be naturally doing some variation of the CARS method or some of its components when dealing with HCPs in your life. Lets tak e a closer look at how Eddybreaks down each component of the CARS method, for maximum success in any tricky HCP situation.ConnectingThis involves speaking to HCPs using statements that show you understand their issues and empathize with them. When people feel understood and listened to, a connection is established. Dont make it fakereally try to reach out to get to the root of what is making someone upset Can you explain whats upsetting you? or Yes, I can see how that is really frustrating. Make it clear that youre not talking down to someone, but rather approaching him or her as a peer who wants to listen and help. The goal is to keep the HCP calm so you can work together to accomplish the task at hand.AnalyzingThen, approach your next steps as practically as possible. Dont let someone elses bad energy infest your life in such a way that you make rash decisions that wont benefit your or your career. Say someone you work with is, well, impossible. What can you do? You can push throu gh, stay calm, put your head down, and avoid conflict at all costs. But what if thats not sustainable? You can go to HR about the HCP in your life, you can look for a new job within your company, or you can even look for a job elsewhere. Theres no right answer. You need to weigh all of your options and decide whats best for you personally and professionally. Just make koranvers to do so with care and thoughtandnot after a particularly heated interaction.RespondingAccording to Eddy, HCPs are especially evident in their hostile emails and social media blasts. They also seriously distort information, even though they usually dont know they are doing that. While its unfair that you have to deal with stressful interactions like these, especially at work, the best way to do so is to take a breath and remain practical and factual in your responses. Politely point out any falsehoods in a fiery email or conversation, correct them, and move on. Do not give in for an HCPs desire for drama and conflict. Do your best not to lose your temper or to push back with equally mean or accusatory language. Kindness is key. So is moving on once youve stated the facts and have nothing more to say.Setting limitsAccording to Eddy, HCPs generally have less self-control, are more impulsive, and are less aware of the impact of their behavior on others. Further, they often dont care if their behavior bothers or hurts anyone else or even themselves.The key to setting limits is to lean on the rules and regulations of your workplace or industry. Fight back with issues that are tangible, not emotional. Dont make your responses personal. An HCP doesnt care that theyre driving you crazy or that theyre being mean or irrational. So, again, be practical If this report is incorrect our department will look bad in front of the CEO. Lets find all the errors together, or This conversation is against the HR rules I suggest we move on to avoid trouble.Are you plagued by HCPs? If so, it can be challenging , frustrating, and absolutely aggravatingbut it doesnt have to be impossible. Use the strategies and advice provided here to help deal with HCPs in your life.

This Female Executive Has Some Must-Read Advice for Other Women in Leadership

This Female Executive Has Some Must-Read Advice for Other Women in Leadership Im often asked what it feels like to be a female executive and how I rose through the ranks in an arena that is concentrated with male talent who, no matter what, seem to rise through the ranks. This line of questioning never fails to take me a bit off my game, because I dont have a good answer.The reality is that I never think about being a female executive. I only think about being me, doing what I do and doing it the very best way I can every day. I cant think of a time when a male overshadowed me or kept me from being successful.My childhood welches not ideal and, as a result, I gained a ton of grit that caused me to believe in myself and not allow psychological boundaries to get in my way. Im certain this fostered my belief, from a young age, that I am no different from a man and I should never fall victim to minimizing what I can do as a human being. In my mind, my ability has just never been a gender -based conversation.When I hear womens stories, Ive often wondered if I am just plain lucky or if intentional behavior paved my way to where I am. Im fairly certain my career trajectory and experiences are the result of a combination of facts that are related to my behavioral approach, circumstances in terms of right time and distributions-mix and a pinch of luck.I really find meaning in supporting others through their personal journey and, as we celebrate womens history month, the time is right for me to share some important behaviors that have helped me carve my career trajectory.You are good enough.Ive always thought I welches good enough to do anything I wanted to do. Ive never questioned my ability. One way to foster this today is to focus on your strengths and consider leading with them. For example, if youre a people person surround yourself with people who are tactical and vice versa. Lead with your strengths, always. Ive definitely questioned whether I have enough experienc e or knowledge in certain areas, which sometimes comes with time, but Ive never questioned my actual ability. Allow yourself the opportunity to stretch, even when its uncomfortable. This can be painful, but it will make you more limber and capable of moving beyond the norm.Share your voice.Ive never been afraid to speak up with my observations or questions. In fact, typically when I hold back it takes the group a few passes to get to where I was from the start, thus making me wish I wouldve spoken up in the beginning. Im not saying this to be full of myself, but rather to encourage women to trust their inner voice and share it openly and often. How do you speak up? One way to speak up, without sounding aggressive, is to offer an observation or opinion and ask others in the conversation to weigh in and validate what youre thinking. Creating an inviting environment for others to share thoughts is a great way to allow yourself the same opportunity. I really believe that your voice is l ike a muscle. Its weak if you never use it, but its always there. Once you start using it the muscle builds and gets stronger until, all of sudden, its easy. Use your voice. Build that muscleLet yourself shine.Im someone who really despises being the center of attention. I feel really uncomfortable when all eyes are on me. That said, I know there are times when I need to make a deal with myself to put my best self forward, to initiate introductions, be assertive, grow my network, engage in the moment and let myself shine. When the time and place are right, doing this is essential to creating and pollenating your personal brand as a professional. Its hard, but sometimes having self-confidence is the key to being successful. Allow yourself to toot your horn with your boss about a project well done. Perhaps it was under the radar, but why not give yourself some credit? Allow yourself to push through shyness to meet that important executive in your company. Allow yourself to be a speake r at that industry event. I know its hard, but gosh-darn-it, you deserve to shine and youll be proud of yourself for it.Set boundaries.Boundaries have always been really important to me in life, and Ive never had an issue setting the parameters of my relationships at work. I love to laugh, joke and have a great time, but I know where to draw the line and what might be perceived as inappropriate. I know that when you engage in off-color behavior at work, you begin to be perceived as someone who operates under the line and this can put you at risk, because those who are doing wrong dont like to do it alone. schauplatz boundaries at work typically starts with how you behave. Its important to set a consistent example of your expectations from the start. When situations escalate, I like to take people aside individually and address behavior in a non-confrontational but direct manner. Its so easy to pull someone aside and say, Hey, I thought things got a little out of control at that meet ing and I want to set a better example moving forward. I have yet to find a person that responds to such a request negatively. When needing to set boundaries in a group environment Ill speak up and say, I love that were all really passionate about this topic, but lets calm down, be respectful, stay focused and get back on track. Its okay to push the pause button and give people time to take a breath.Provide feedback.I believe its a good practice to provide honest feedback. Not the kind that wounds or causes emotional harm, but constructive feedback with a positive spin. Ive learned that so many people are oblivious to their own behavior and how its interpreted. When someone makes you feel uncomfortable, quickly push back, give them feedback and provide an opportunity for that person to self-correct. If you never push back on bad behavior, it will only get worse. Dont let anyone take advantage of you simply because youre afraid to provide feedback. On the other side of the coin, when someone makes you feel good, demonstrate that youre grateful by thanking them. Taking the time in the moment to make someone feel special is always worth it.You are not stuck.Work is a choice. Repeat Work is a choice. You are not stuck in your dead-end career or toxic work environment. Believe in yourself and believe in your future. In my career, I took advantage of every opportunity that came my way. I raised my hand for every extra project. I leveraged lucky moments to my advantage. When someone above me resigned, I quickly asked to be considered for the job. If I didnt feel that I had upward job mobility or professional development, I looked elsewhere. I wanted to be in a place where I could grow my career, and I didnt allow myself to be stuck. I was unafraid of interviewing for new positions, even when I wasnt looking. Its important to keep your interviewing skills fresh, because you never know when the right opportunity will present itself.In summary, remember that its not wha t happens its all about how you handle it. As a female leader, I focus on leading people and making solid decisions in all situations the good, the bad and the ugly. If you focus on the right things, at the right times, the world will respond in a like manner. Trust me, Ive been through it and this advice works If this was helpful, please provide a comment below and let me know what else youd like to hear.--This article was originally published on LinkedIn and written by Anne Buchanan, Chief Human Resources Officer at Guitar Center.Fairygodboss is proud to partner with Guitar Center.